Just Friends… Nothing to Worry About

This week I have had the opportunity to think more about my marriage and what I need to do to safeguard it from infidelity. I’m sure I’m like a lot of people who say that I don’t need to worry about this because my husband and I have such a great relationship that neither one of us would ever do anything to jeopardize it. I believe that for most couples that this really will be true, but I read an article today by Kenneth W. Matheson, a professor for the School of Social Work at BYU, and he told of a lady that was committing emotional infidelity and she didn’t even realize it. She felt that one of her co-workers listened to her more and gave her more emotional support than her husband did. When family members tried to talk to her about the inappropriateness of the relationship she tried to tell them that there was nothing wrong with this relationship because she hadn’t done anything physically inappropriate with this co-worker. Then one day her sister asked her some poignant questions and she suddenly realize that her relationship was inappropriate and that she was being unfaithful emotionally to her husband. She was shocked and immediately went to her bishop and the next week she went to her husband and they worked to overcome this infidelity.

The questions that were asked by the sister were:

·         “Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”

·         “Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”

·         “Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”

·         “Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”

·         “Have you told your spouse about these messages?”

·         “Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?”

·         “Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”

·         “Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”

You can use these questions to check if you are in a relationship that is beginning to cross the line and turn into infidelity.

This isn’t the first thing I think of when I think of infidelity, but it is a real thing and it can ruin marriages if gone unnoticed. It might start off as a simple friendship, but then gradually turn into something more, that eventually leads to physical infidelity. So… How can you avoid this in your marriage? Is there a sure fire way to prevent this from happening? Sure! The first thing is don’t have close friendships or relationships with members of the opposite sex. Second, make sure you’re emotionally available to listen to your spouse and their desires and be willing to open up to your spouse about your goals and disappointments. Third, try harder to make your spouse a bigger priority in your life. Let them know just how special they are to you and that you value them. These three things can do wonders to keeping your marriage safe!

I honestly don’t feel like my husband and I have a lot to worry about in this regard because we both complain about the lack of friends that we have outside of each other. We don’t really hang out with anyone other than each other and our children. I don’t know if this is what I’d recommend for everyone, but it does make it a little easier to focus on them and what you can do for them when there isn’t anyone else to focus on. It also makes it harder for you to have deep friendships with members of the opposite sex when you’re not hanging out with anyone but your eternal companion! It’s working for us for now, so I won’t complain, but I do hope in the future that we will try and expand our circle of friends beyond ourselves.