I love you… but I don’t want to look at you?

Have you ever tried to express your love to someone with your back towards them? It can be quite difficult because you don’t know if they heard you, were paying attention, or if they have a desire to reciprocate your feelings. So… what can be done? You could turn towards your partner. What a great idea. Don’t you love looking at the face of the person you love anyways? I feel that it’s better to always look toward your spouse than to turn away, plus it’s more fun!

Dr. John Gottman, author of the book the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, says,

“The first step in turning toward each other more is simply to be aware of how crucial these mini-moments are, not only to your marriage’s trust level but to its ongoing sense of romance. For many couples, just realizing that they shouldn’t take their everyday interactions for granted makes an enormous difference in their relationship. Remind yourself that being helpful to each other will do far more for the strength and passion of your marriage than a two-week Bahamas getaway.”

He believes that running errands such as grocery shopping, going to the laundromat, and washing your car together will strengthen your marriage better than a romantic trip will because a romantic trip will only spark flames that are already present. If you haven’t been fueling your relationship fire, then their won’t be any sparks to ignite when you are alone in a romantic place.

Another way to turn towards your partner is to be more diligent and concerned at home. Elder David A. Bednar offered the following in October 2009,

“Express love and show it. We can begin to become more diligent and concerned at home by telling the people we love them that we love them. Such expresses need not be flowery or lengthy. We simply should sincerely and frequently tell them we love them.”

Just think if you and your spouse made it a point to several times throughout the day to say I love you or to show them you love them by a small act of kindness. Our relationships we be so much different and for the better!

My husband and I realized about a year ago that we weren’t taking the time to do these simple steps and our marriage was beginning to suffer. We decided that this simply wouldn’t do because we were both committed to our marriage and were both surprised and upset at where we had allowed our marriage to end up. We began doing more together, talking, reading, studying, and trying to do small things that would show our love to one another. This has had a tremendous impact on our marriage and we have been able to see how much we have benefitted and our friendship has grown. I can see why Dr. Gottman says this is such an important principle in marriage.

Below is a list of some of the things Dr. Gottman suggests you can do to turn towards your spouse.

  

  1.    Cook dinner, bake.

  2.    Clean house, do laundry.

  3.    Plan and host a party.

  4.    Exercise together.

  5.    Order takeout.

  6.    Listen to music.

  7.    Watch TV or stream videos.

  8.    Shop for groceries. Make up the grocery list.

  9.    Pay bills

  10.Walk the dog.