Wolves Attacking Your Marriage?

When you think of marriage, do you ever think of wolves? Probably not. Most of the time we think of something not quite so aggressive or attack-like, such as love birds or swans with their necks turned to look like a heart. Something sweet and gentle. So why bring up wolves? Good question! In a talk by Bruce C. Hafen, entitled Covenant Marriage, he mentions three wolves that every marriage is tested repeatedly by. These wolves are first, natural adversity. Second, our own imperfections and third, excessive individualism. None of these sound like great things to have in a marriage, but one of these I feel is perhaps more damaging than the other two.

The third wolf, excessive individualism, I feel could do the most damage. Whenever there is more attention placed on yourself than on your loved one, nothing good can come of it. Why? Because you will be consumed with how and what your spouse has done for you. How are they going to help you reach your goals, and when you don’t feel they’ve done enough, you will complain that they don’t care about you and don’t want you to succeed. This will no doubt leave your marriage lacking the love and support desired by either partner.

Elder Hafen offers this:

“The adversary has long cultivated this overemphasis on personal autonomy, and now he feverishly exploits it. Our deepest God-given instinct is to run to the arms of those who need us and sustain us. But he drives us away from each other today with wedges of distrust and suspicion. He exaggerates the need for having space, getting out, and being left alone. Some people believe him—and then they wonder why they feel left alone.”

This doesn’t sound like the sound principles marriages should be founded upon. Also, how do you think you’re going to form a family, you know having children, with this attitude? According to an article on www.christiantoday.com,

“The belief among adults that the prime duty of the individual is to make the most of their own life, rather than contribute to the good of others… The report’s author, Lord Richard Layard, said, “Our evidence showed clearly how stressful life has become for many children in all social classes. We identified a common thread in these problems, which is the excessive individualism in our culture. This needs to be reversed, and children to learn that being of use to others is ultimately more satisfying than an endless struggle for status.”

Growing up, I never really had to wonder if my parents loved me or if I was important to them. I always knew that I was a priority by the way they treated and interacted with me. Even knowing that I was loved and that my parents wanted the best for me, I still suffered from depression in my early 20’s. I can’t imagine what a child, that didn’t have the same type of upbringing I had, would end up. Thankfully with help from a psychiatrist and a doctor I no longer have this as a current issue every day. I do at times feel it, with a wave of anxiety, trying to take over take me, but I know that the Lord wants me to be happy and I am able to turn to my loved ones for support. Without, my family I don’t know how I would have ever made it through.

However, individualism is a growing issue in marriages and families today. Marriages needs to be founded on more than just yourself. It is a partnership! According, to the Proclamation to the World, by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it says “that happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.” I know this to be true as this is how my marriage is built. The Lord plays a huge part in our marriage and because of this we are happier and it is harder for either of us to focus on ourselves.